[In Press] "Subjectivities, academic work and mothering practice" : navigating obscure and unspoken disciplines

A robust and important body of scholarship is exploring the multiple and layered complexities of mothering and paid work. In this paper, we theoretically and empirically contribute to this work by exploring how, at the level of the self, women with children understand themselves in relation to their paid work and their mothering. We have examined this focus using a post-structural feminist lens inspired by Foucauldian ideas related to the subject and technologies of the self. This perspective has focused our attention on the informal practices in an Australian university workplace, where we locate and problematize tensions between industrial and policy provisions designed to support mothers and mother's everyday workplace experiences. Our findings arise from focus groups, in-depth interviews, and our personal narrative accounts and elucidate how despite well-established policy supports, formal and informal workplace practices shape and discipline how mothers come to understand themselves and their paid work in the academy. We find that policy provisions for families in the workplace operate to conceal and legitimate gendered workplace practices, contributing to subjectivities formed through doubt, fear, shame, anxiety, isolation, and guilt. More productively, subjectivities were also born through agency, resistance, and revision, albeit wrapped by additional labor, personal, and professional costs.