‘The red fleck of cotton’: noticing a toddler’s efforts to transform his place and sense of belonging

In this paper, I notice how three-year-old Nico made efforts to transform his place and sense of belonging following the arrival of his baby sister, Lucia. I look closely at the moment-to-moment interplay between Nico, his mother, Milena, Lucia, and the observer when Lucia was nine weeks old. Milena is exhausted, and although she is sensitively attentive to the baby who feeds and sleeps comfortably throughout the hour, she finds the added strain of the toddler’s need for attention difficult. It is in this tense atmosphere that I observe Nico’s active, persistent, and versatile attempts to reach out to his mother. Over the hour, I see change occurring in states of mind and relating as mother and toddler find ways to tolerate hostile feelings and, at the same time, inspire each other towards thinking and creativity. There is a sense of an alive receptivity that comes to the fore. This illustration of a toddler reaching out under duress can provide an important perspective for work with children with social difficulties in schools. In particular, the enormous effort that is required of vulnerable children to include themselves in friendship groups from a position of feeling excluded.